(Happy?) Birthdays

Every year, you’re forced to celebrate the day you arrived on this planet… wait, no were not aliens…

Every year you’re forced to celebrate the day you came into this shiny, strange world. It’s a day to commemorate you turning another year older and another year wiser. Though the latter is not always the case, as I know from experience, it means another year flushed down the drain and your life closer to its finale.

It seems like such a dark and calloused look on the ordeal, but, alas, that’s the way I’ve viewed them the last few years. To my defense, it’s tough having a birthday in the winter months, when everything’s cold and dreary (at least where I live), and that seasonal depression stuff is in the air like pollen at all other times of the year. The hopefulness of spring, the fun-spirited joys of summer, and the beauty of fall, have all come to an end and grumpy, gray winter has settled in.

Now, I don’t wish to make excuses and I definitely don’t want to play the blame game here, it’s just kind of how it is. For me, I don’t like growing older, I don’t like feeling that another year has passed without living life to its fullest. It sucks, I despise it, and birthdays always remind me of those things. They force me to relive the past year and see just how wasteful I have been with my time, or how short I have come to meeting my own expectations for the year, or how I’m stuck in certain places I wish to be unstuck from but can’t see any way out of. Still have any desire to wish people “happy birthday”?

Thankfully there is always a “but” to be had when writing about these kinds of things. I believe in hope. I believe, even in the darkest, scariest, and most painful places, there is light to be seen; a light that shatters the darkness. This birthday, for me, has been different. I’m lighting hope’s candles and not extinguishing them this time. I’m not focusing on all those “could’ve”, “should’ve”, “would’ve” possibilities. Believe me, there are many of them just waiting for me to fall into their traps, waiting to suck me in and spit me out the other side beaten and bruised. But I’m looking at the present, where I’m at now, and how I’ve gotten here. Life is precious and life is all too short. There are blessings around every corner, if we but open our eyes to them.

So, happy birthday to you; to all of you, each and every year. Let us not focus on the downfalls of each passing year, but the good. And let us glean from the past but never get stuck there, for progress is made step by step.

Don’t forget to have a piece of hope; I here it’s delicious!

Love unlimited,

C.J. Huffman

In Mists, Part II

In Mists, Part II

Alas! I see a glow
From within the forests
A being starts to sow
The seeds to conquer mists
Maybe now, maybe now

For the mist dwells among
All the dead and the old
The living and the young
To eat away their souls
All is cursed, all is worst

But those seeds have been sown
A new dawn will awake
Even darkness has known
There will be less to take
And destroy, and destroy

Those seeds of light will spread
The darkness will tremble
Its heart will fill with dread
Now, its ways will stumble
In retreat, in defeat

My own purpose will be
All renewed once again
Sharing my fruits freely
To all and without end
There is hope, there is hope

In Mists, Part 1

In Mists, Part 1

All the lands are covered
In darkness and in mists
The fog, around, hovered
Like birds over their nests
All is lost, all is cost

Nor mountain, nor valley
Neither hill nor the shore
Reveal a light to see
Only dark tales and lore
All is cost, all is lost

For the grounds, they lie still
And trees remain asleep
Waiting that day until
The one will save and keep
Only the sheep, only the sheep

‘Till then, darkness will reign
So much blood will be shed
All of the dead will feign
To be alive and wed
To the mists, by their fists

The fog clouds the vision
The clouds fog the sight
Of those on a mission
To nowhere; their own plight
This I show, this I know

For I once was a tree
Guarding a secret way
To feel love and be free
To run about and play
All was true, all was new

Given a tremendous
And honorable task
Bearing a pure, wondrous
Fruit, to undo life’s mask
Immortal, forever

The plan was simplistic
The directions quite clear
What appeared fantastic
Had collapsed due to fear
And desire, through the fire

Lust for greater power
Longing for something more
What had been a flower
Grew evil at its core
Death now comes, death now won

All is darkness and mists
There is no light of day
Severing hands at wrists
They scrape their pains away
Where is hope? Where is hope?

Inspiration’s Well

For the longest time I’ve desired to share what inspires me as a writer.  But up until now, I’ve never had a proper place to do just that.  As I begin diving into the vast, entangled webs of the internet in a possibly vain attempt to reach forth and spread my wings as an author, I want to begin sharing my journey with you.

I may not have a whole volume of material to write about in regards to my life and subsequent experiences as a human being, but I’ve realized that is okay.  Everyone has their own story to share even if it’s not an outlier found amid a billion human observations.  Many of us walk the same trodden paths our ancestors once did in their own lives.  The human life is still solely based on the same principles of previous generations.  Sure, technology changes, society changes, government changes, but the very inner, intimate human principles do not.  What truly makes a person an individual, a lone unit on the graph, is how they handle the things that inspire them in their everyday life.

For me, my inspiration has come from a rather common yet misunderstood and highly complex mental illness affecting millions of people: depression.

Continue reading “Inspiration’s Well”

Dragon

Dragon

Here I stand, unmoving, in this place

Fixated on the familiar smell

I feel lost as my heart begins to race

Fleeing from what, I cannot tell

Then I hear the noises and sounds above

My mind, again, revealing the truth

For one; standing here won’t be enough

For two; I better get on the move

I rush into the dense thicket

Hopeful the cover of trees will hide me

Hear the roar of a creature so wicked

What on earth could this possibly be?

The moon glows high above in the night

Stars speckling a blanket of darkness

Fear pummeling my soul in this flight

Turmoil making my mind a mess

I feel as if I have been here before

As if I’ve fought this beast in my past

Seeking to find an exit or door

I am always getting burned, at last

Somehow, I end up in this present state

Fleeing and hiding, fleeing and hiding

Too weak to defeat my hopeless fate

I fall on my face and give up trying

I hear the enemy getting near

In despair I cry, “Father, deliver!”

But my destiny is becoming clear

To live in this cycle forever

From here I can smell its fiery breathe

The beast’s massive form creeps into sight

Its demon eyes drain the strength I have left

As I shake in terror at its might

Suddenly, I hear a voice so distant

A gentle voice as calming as the moon

Tearing back my soul so resistant

Causing my hope within to swoon

It says, “Child, please be still and know

Your deliverance is found from within

For this dragon is a product you sow

Let it go, let it go and start again”

In that moment I now realize

My eyes have been shut this entire time

Making images of my own demise

I somehow feel that all will be fine

The creature snarls and growls at me

Edging closer and bearing its teeth

Breaking limbs and severing trees

Setting fire to the land beneath

Without falter, I stand up on my feet

The nighttime sky set ablaze by fire

Once again, the dragon’s and mine eyes meet

Taking all the strength I can acquire

“You shall not defeat me again!” I cry

As it snatches me up by my right arm

Then, slowly, I open my eyes

And see that I’ve not come to any harm

The blue sky above is beautiful

The wind calmly passing through my hair

This field of flowers so colorful

A new peace is flowing through the air…