My Own Worst Critic

When it comes to entertainment, most specifically movies and TV shows, I find myself to be quite a harsh critic, just ask my wife. After nearly every movie we watch together she asks me how I liked it. My typical response: it was pretty good. This is my calculated reply saying that the movie was so-so, alright, okay, something along those lines. And in case you were wondering, most movies out there receive this rating from me.

Why, you ask? Well, I’m not so sure. I perceive it may just be my low tolerance for mediocrity in entertainment. If it doesn’t wow, amaze, or make me really think about it, then I can’t give it a five star mental review. But, of course that’s just me. The film and TV show industries thrive off of making, in my opinion, mediocre productions all because most people like that sort of thing. And that is perfectly okay. I don’t want to go bashing anyone who enjoys sappy romances, cliched  dramas, and typical action films. That is not my place to judge (Though, don’t even get me started on soap operas! ughhhh).

Maybe I’m not as easily wowed as most people out there. Maybe it’s me. Yes, most likely there is something wrong with me.

Anyway, when it comes to myself, most specifically me, myself, and I, I find that I am my own worst critic, the harshest of them all. Even right now, I am calculating just how great this blog post is going to be and whether or not I should abandon writing it all together (For the reader’s sake, I will fight against this pressing feeling and post it, even if it truly sucks! Because who doesn’t love a crappy blog post?). Being such a difficult critic against myself, is by far the greatest enemy I face, especially when it comes to doing what I love, whether it’s writing or playing the drums. My own harshness can, at times, tear me down so much that I end up losing all faith in the project and put it on the shelf. I nearly did that several times with the writing and editing of my almost-finished novel. I would begin reworking a segment or touching up a chapter and then all of a sudden realize just how bad the story was and want to just throw it out altogether, hours and hours of work gone in seconds.

Thankfully that never happened. I’ll admit, there were times when I’d set the project aside for months on end because I had lost my desire for it, thinking that I’d never get anywhere with it, or that it could never be good enough. But each time I always came back to it. I knew it was meant to be written. I finally, very recently, realized that the story might actually be very good, and not just “pretty good,” as I so frequently label things.

All in all, being my own worst critic can downright devastate me at times, but it has also, in a way, helped me to strive above mediocrity. I don’t want to write just another novel, or be just an average musician, I want to be great; not in my own abilities themselves but in the songs that I play and the stories that I tell.

Thank you, reader, for following my ever messy and tumultuous journey.

Love unlimited!

C.J. Huffman


Man and Space: Part III; the Conclusion

Man and Space: Part III; the Conclusion

After long travels week after week
The space man could not find what he seeked
And that was Earth, his marvelous home
Far into space he was alone
No one to talk to
Nothing he could do
To search for his mother planet, Earth
All his research would be of no worth

His heart became lost in loneliness
His thinking became a scrambled mess
The fame he sought would never take place
All those hopes had left his dreary face
He screamed at nothing
He fought with nothing
All of his supplies were scarcely thin
All of his food could fit in a tin

“Why did this happen to me?” he thought
“This is not the outcome I have sought
All of my research will now go to waste
Any glory I will never taste
I have failed my life
And filled it with strife
I’ll die alone in this galaxy
Oh, had I not lived in vanity”

One day his house came close to a sun
He knew his fight could never be won
It was impossible to find home
He would die a poor man all alone
From glory to dull
He ended it all
He leaped out towards that brilliant star
He burned alive as he fell afar…

Man and Space: Part II

Man and Space: Part II

After a week had slowly gone by
His home began climbing to the sky
He was suddenly startled and scared
Jump out the window? he did not dare
The earth shrunk in size
None could hear his cries
He then realized the wish he’d made
His worries began to sharply fade

“How awesome!” he thought, “my wish came true!
I can discover many things new
I will become the most famous man
In all the towns and all the land
From one countryside
To the other side”
But with a wish comes many troubles
It is not all mere blowing bubbles

The scientist soared to new places
Of many things new, he kept traces
Also keeping records in a book
Of strange things, where the simple wouldn’t look
Some stones from a moon
And gases from Neptune
His adventure lasted a long while
Soon, he faced his most awful trial…

The Story Behind a Story: Rooms

It’s been my deepest desire to write about the making of my short story Rooms, which is extremely personal to me.  I finally felt that the time was right to actually sit down and share about a darkness that, for the longest time, haunted me and cost me so much lost time.  What better way to do this than to put it on a public blog for all the world to see!  Joking aside, I feel that it’s good for everyone to see that we are all just human.  We all make mistakes and we all fall flat on our faces.  And that’s okay.  The sole point in sharing our failures with others is to, one, learn from them, and two, release any guilt or shame we may unintentionally be carrying with us in the process.

So, let’s dive into the muck, for out of the dirt came this story that I am so passionate about.

The entire concept behind this story began on one Sunday morning quite a few years ago (specifics unknown). My pastor was teaching on how to let go of certain things in our lives by giving those spaces within our minds over for God’s use.  He explained that our brains are like storage facilities or large buildings with many little rooms with them; each serving a function or thought process in our lives, whether it be a certain activity we enjoy, a habit, a philosophy, or specific cluster of ideas.

He used his personal example of his habit of smoking cigarettes.  That entire room within his mind was filled with all the ideas, processes, decisions, etc, involving smoking.  It was an unhealthy habit he could not shake.  It seemed the entire ability to be able to finally quit had gone up in smoke (I couldn’t help it). At last, he decided to give it over to God to take care of; he gave that room to be occupied by Him.  In that moment, he was no longer a “smoker.” God had gone through, cleaned up the place, maybe even redecorated a bit, and became the lone tenant.  It changed my pastor’s life in that aspect, and all because of faith.

Continue reading “The Story Behind a Story: Rooms”

Hello Cyber-Ocean!

The decision has been made, the choice has been determined. There’s no turning back, not now, not… ever.

Well, actually I could easily delete this new blog and pretend it was never created; erase it from my memories, never to be seen or heard of again. But alas, I’ve made the choice to join the aging blogging world. (Crazy? Absolutely!)

I’ve considered the thought for quite a few years now.  I even created a blog account many seasons ago (I think), but it has been lost in the never-static waves of the cyber-ocean, forever drifting among long lost Youtube celebrities, Myspace bands, and dial-up users.  So, today marks the new beginning of a young writer’s journey to embark on the crazy, tumultuous expedition known as “Blogging,” all the while with only the use of a small, plank-built raft and one lousy oar. (Wish me luck!)

Love Unlimited

C.J. Huffman